


Foreign exchange

by Werbena



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Strange Asgardian Customs, dowry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:03:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werbena/pseuds/Werbena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor decides to get Darcy familiar with some Asgardian customs, making Loki not exactly happy with the results. However, help can come from the least expected person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foreign exchange

**Author's Note:**

> Characters mentioned below are definitely not mine. The plot, however, is my own idea. Story written for pure joy of writing. Not making money from it.
> 
> The idea for this story came to me while we were in the middle of preparations for my younger Brother’s recent wedding. I hadn’t realized before how demanding, exhausting and time – consuming it can be. Also, what great amounts of diplomacy it requires.  
> Anyway, whenever the situation got too serious, I was starting quite similar conversation with my now Sister – in – law. Almost everyone laughed, the tension was lifted and we could carry on with the work.  
> The only unhappy individual was my Brother, who did his best to spoil my deal. The exact amount of cats (and rodents) is still under negotiations and I assume it’s gonna stay that way. Mostly to have something to joke about from time to time. And to tease my Brother.  
> Truly, I have gained a very good younger Sister recently.  
> So, I dedicate this little story to Irka – the best Sister – in – law one can have!

Thor hadn’t always been a man of refine delicacy but even before his exile to Earth he possessed some powers of observation. In time he managed to keep up the pretenses of hard, unrelenting warrior though the selected few knew better than to see him just as such.

Taking this and the fact he had a soft spot for Darcy (more or less from the moment when she tazed him in self – defense), it was no surprise that he was the one to get his little “sister” acquainted with the Asgardian culture.

When it was just the history, the fashion and the feasting there weren’t any problems. Though when he had learnt about his brother and the aforementioned maiden… Well, it took a few hours, a long conversation with his beloved Jane and a moderated amount of troubled exclamations from the rest of the team to establish a… truce with Loki. With very specific terms, beginning with the matter of propriety and a very firm demand to treat Darcy with all the respect she deserved and finishing with releasing Loki’s neck from the iron – like grip of the Thunder God.

After several awkward days, Thor gave into the feeling that his most urgent responsibility should be tutoring dear Darcy in the meanders of Asgardian customs related to the wedding ceremony and marriage.

It was just a matter of time for the issue of dowry to emerge.

 

* * *

 

 

“Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Asgardians consider it to be an ancient tradition and I can’t recall the last time someone actually performed it.” insisted Thor. Had he knew how much raising the subject would upset the Lady, he would definitely remained quiet. But the proverbial dices were thrown, so…

“What are we talking about?” unfortunately, Stark chose this moment to enter the ‘common area’.

“A private matter.”

“A dowry.” answered Darcy, collapsing on the couch.

“So? I don’t get… Ah, I see. Well, before you say something noble and unnecessary, I am ready to rise to the occasion and provide you with said requirement. JARVIS, ask Pepper to join us, she’ll be very helpful in completing the trousseau, because honestly, I’m lost like a puppy in the fog when it comes to choosing bed linens and silver cutlery. Do modern brides even need a set of silver cutlery? Never mind, you’re gonna have it. That and much more, including bed warmers for every month of the year and a double set for winter.”

“That’s the problem, Tony.” Miss Lewis finally smiled, even if for a moment “According to Big Guy here, Asgardian dowry has more in common with a price for the bride than with equipping her future household.”

“Wait, so Frosty is getting stingy? That’s cold. Even for him. Or maybe he doesn’t know who he has to negotiate with? Don’t fret, Pepper is already on her way, I’ll also get our good Captain and half of the company’s legal department and we can begin the talks. I must warn you though, we’ll be firm but fair and he may or may not be obliged to do something of really epic proportions to just think about…”

“I gladly volunteer for the modern equivalent of Hercules’ Twelve Labours.” Loki’s chirpy voice was like a loud crack in the room “Starting with keeping you quiet and reasonable for at least twenty four hours and having Odinson undo his insulting meddling.”

“Brother, I…”

“JARVIS!” Tony interrupted the God of Thunder, not being optimistic enough to expect that the angry sibling would be placated.

“Mrs. Stark and Captain Rogers are in the elevator, eight floors down and closing. Shall I inform the rest of the Avengers?”

“Yes, ASAP.” Tony tried to act like nothing had happened “How’s your day, Icycle?”

“Better than yours will become.” Loki smiled charmingly, however his gaze was rather reflecting a sunny, freezing morning in the middle of Jotunnheim’s winter than a summer afternoon in Manhattan.

“Tony?” better half of the Starks got out of the elevator with a mildly curious Steve at her side.

“Not a minute too soon! Cap, help me there. I was just offering to provide our cute Sparky with a handsome dowry and Loki is one word from turning me into his entry for the ice sculpture contest.”

“Serves you well.” This time even Thor jumped up slightly on the couch. Black Widow was not only ninja – level silent but apparently something was bothering her “It’s the twenty first century, you misogynists.”

“What do you suggest?” a dangerous thread of understanding started to form between Pepper and Natasha. Darcy was too busy to participate.

Trying to calm Loki down was a one hundred per cent consuming task.

“A price for the groom.”

“That’s original.”

“Not really.” Doctor Banner decided to speak. Nobody was certain when had he come and how much had he heard, but apparently he was sufficiently well informed “There are still numerous cultures who practice that. However…” he smiled kindly, making Loki uncomfortable a bit “… I humbly suggest honoring a Viking tradition here, with a small modification.”

“Which is? Because I hope you’re not thinking about making my situation more miserable.”

“Darcy, I wouldn’t dream about hurting the only person capable of preparing my favorite tea. I was thinking about ‘goods for the guy’ kind of deal.”

“There are not enough poptarts in this realm to satisfy Thor’s appetite.” said Miss Lewis in mildly irritated voice.

“The Vikings would be offended. If it’s not pure gold, ships and lands, you should resort to livestock.” Bruce’s words were making Loki increasingly worried. Hulk be hanged, his mild and kind – hearted alter ego was more than capable of making the rain fall on one’s parade.

If there was a telepath present, he would be probably exposed to one of the demigod’s rare moments of weakness. Hence Loki’s profound relief.

_‘…and if you hear me praying right now, you can certainly imagine the direness of my situation. I know I’m not guiltless, I had my fair share of faults, but they say you always listen to the humble supplications of those who are in great peril. Please, don’t let me suffer through it alone. Give me the tiniest of mercies and make Stark join me. Preferably immediately. And do you still remember the last time I saved your son? You must already know I did it shamelessly for future profits (we are both aware only Mjollnir could save us from that hideous sea creature and grant me safe return to my beloved Darcy’s side without delay) but nonetheless it happened, so… perhaps you would be generous enough to make Barton miserable too? Not too much, I’m not that demanding, but proportionally to my pain seems quite a fair trade, don’t you agree? And for the love of Mother – don’t do anything to Banner! I had bruises for weeks and still catch myself thinking how many of my doubles would be a sufficient number to distract Hulk long enough to find a safe hideout. And Odin? Thor wants to name your first grandchild “Bjorn”. I refuse to have a nephew who could be confused with a bear. Then again, if he resembles his father, I might be in a need of taming a bee hive to satisfy his sweet tooth…’_

“What do you have in mind?” Darcy’s glowing eyes caught Loki’s attention long enough to cease the inner monologue.

“C’mon, I like animals!” Clint wasn’t going to let some poor puppies or lambs suffer for Lewis’ marriage. Honestly, if it was JUST Lewis he would survive, but Cold Hearted Bastard from Space? No way. No animals. Nada.

“Quiet, Romanoff’s most faithful minion. It’s getting interesting. Pepper, remind me to change the way of assessing company’s value. The shareholders will be thrilled to learn that they own more or less two billion…” Tony got shushed surprisingly quickly. Thor held a personal interest in the outcome of the discussion and didn’t hesitate to act.

Doctor Banner’s smile got even wider before he finally answered.

“Cats?”

Suddenly Barton had nothing against naming the price of an Asgardian prince.

 

* * *

  

Doctor Foster wasn’t quite sure what made her leave the cozy lab.

Granted, Friday evenings usually meant relaxation, one of Tony’s parties, long, romantic hours spent discreetly on the highest balcony and occasionally some sort of entertainment. No matter if it was the curtesy of their host, X – men or another Hydra – related villain who decided to expand his resume by adding to it ‘engaging the Avengers in battle for less than a quarter / having the equipment mocked at by Iron Man / making Hawkeye laugh so hard he almost dropped an arrow / surviving a third degree encounter with Mjollnir’.

The more wannabe culprits did it, the more she wondered if maybe they were knocking the wrong door. With these kind of achievements either stunt team working with Jackie Chan or Jason Statham would be much better choice.

Still, this particular evening the lab floor of the Avengers Tower was suspiciously silent. Stark’s architects did a marvelous job, but from the previous experiences she knew that team’s end – of – the – week parties were loud enough to be noticeable not only at least three floors down but also two alleys in every direction.

Intrigued, Jane decided to check the ‘living room’. If there were any life signs in the building, they should be easier to find in the social centre of Avengers’ private floors.

 

* * *

 

 

“…though he is remarkably skillful with daggers.” Thor’s loud voice served as the best confirmation something was up. Doctor Foster was involved with alleged Norse deity for long enough to be able to sense this particular kind of trouble.

“And apart from battlefield it comes in handy when exactly?” Tony wasn’t impressed.

“Preparing food?”

“Killing neighbour’s cat?”

“Barton!”

“What? I don’t like cats, Cap.”

“There is a big difference between not being fond of and literally exterminating.”

“Fine, I won’t make any threats. How much do we have?”

“A dozen of tabbies for charm and wit, six Persians for hairstyle, a pair of Norwegian Forests for remarkable posture, five Siberians for magic eyes, seven Main Coons for dexterity, four rats and three mice for, as Doc put it, other merits.” reported Rogers checking his notebook.

“I object to the fact of disregarding Siberians. They should be the most valuable.”

“Patriotism much, Tasha?”

“Objectivity. They are the most graceful.” Clint could have sworn that Romanoff looked like the abovementioned feline when stretching her arms even more than in other, ekhem, circumstances.

Maybe it was worth to consider rethinking his attitude towards little buggers, if only to appease Natasha.

“I see I missed a lot.” spoke Jane, standing behind the couch where Thor was sitting.

“Definitely, Miss Foster.” Loki’s voice was as cold as an arctic wind “Please look forward to find a fruit basket with my condolences for the grieving widow.”

“Whose dying?” asked Tony nervously.

“You too, but not before I deal with the heir of Asgardian throne.”

“Brother, it was just a bit of friendly mocking, surely none of us would resort to threats if comrades in arms decided to…”

The younger prince looked pensively at the buxom maiden at his side. Whatever he saw in her eyes, made him grin. Mischievously.

“Then I shall wait for you returning the favor.”

Deadly silence was interrupted by Bruce, who coughed.

“You know, I still have a thing or two to do in the lab. Have fun.”

“Banner, you traitor!”

“Relax Tony, JARVIS will tell me all about it later.”

“Relax? I’m a paragon of cool.” Stark decided on the frontal attack “Pepper, I know I’m priceless and we are married and all, but for pure scientific curiosity – how much would you be willing to pay for me?”

“A tamed rat.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Sold.” Said Natasha in the very same moment “I expect a cage with the contents tomorrow morning at my door.”

“I refuse to live with a rat.” protested Clint.

“Don’t be mean, he could be a rival but you can probably talk him into giving you some handicap.”

“You don’t have to.” Natasha ignored Stark’s attempts on cheering himself up “It’s going to be my payment for you, provided I will be able to find an individual ready to claim it. And for the change from said fee I shall…”

“Nat!”

“Pepper, I’ve changed my mind. You are so generous. A whole rat!”

Doctor Foster sat next to Darcy, pretending it was just a result of being distracted by some experiment still pending three floors away.

“So, Loki… What compensation would make you willing to part with your beloved brother?” she asked innocently.

Thor’s smiled vanished faster than smirk brightened his sibling’s face.


End file.
